Birthday Massacre
by Shigeru Hiko
Summary: It's Yondaime's birthday. Rin tries to throw a surprise party, and things go horribly wrong. A cake is the victim of a brutal murder.


"Kakashi! Why weren't you here an hour ago?"

Kakashi looked at the girl in front of him, who wasn't much shorter, with a very blank stare. "What do you mean? Our meetings always start at ten, unless sensei says otherwise, and today--"

"Today is sensei's birthday!" she said. "Honestly Kakashi, I thought you of all people would remember! Even Obito was here an hour ago, helping."

"Rin. . . did you just. . . decorate the practice field?" asked Kakashi, looking at the area around where they usually met. Obito was currently tied up in streamers in a tree, and Kakashi winced as he watched Obito fall to the ground, making a very audible noise. Rin's expression turned from frazzled to a grimace, and Kakashi noticed that the rest of the area was nicely decorated. Rin probably had done that.

"I don't want to turn around, do I?" she asked.

Obito groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. Kakashi wondered why he was so cursed and shook his head. "No. Not really."

Rin sighed and shook her head. "Fine, I'll go help him. You," she said, thrusting something in Kakashi's hands, "you finish the cake. Just write 'Happy Birthday Sensei!' on it. You can do that, right?"

As Rin turned and went to mother Obito, Kakashi stared at the tube of icing in his hands. How was he supposed to write with this? The tube looked something like a toothpaste tube. He walked over to the place where the cake was, and stared. He unscrewed the cap and put some on his finger to taste. Kakashi pulled down his mask and put the finger in his mouth. Chocolate, ugh. Well, at least his Sensei would like it.

"Rin, how am I--"

"Do I have to do everything by myself?!" she exclaimed. Kakashi could hear Obito starting to whimper and, for once, the boy's tears triggered sympathy instead of loathing. Kakashi looked at her, and shrugged.

"No, I just was wondering how it was done so I could help."

"Just squeeze and write!" she said. "Obito, stop crying, it's just a bump--"

"I'm not crying! I just got dirt in my eyes!" he cried. Kakashi saw him scramble to his feet. "See? I'm fine!"

Kakashi turned to the cake again, contemplating how he was going to do this. Rin should have let him practice. He would have used one of the plates that she had brought, but they seemed to all have a dedicated purpose. And if he tried writing it on the dirt, she'd probably kill him. Not that he was too worried about that, but in this state, she'd probably kill their sensei if he messed up his birthday. Medical ninja were dangerous like that.

Carefully, after slow consideration and practicing in the air, Kakashi bit his lip and tried for real. Gently, he squeezed the icing out of the tube, and started to write. Kakashi was surprised that writing in icing, while a little tricky, was not impossible. As he finished writing 'birthday' a shadow fell across him, and Rin screamed.

"OBITO! NO!"

Kakashi barely scrambled to his feet in time to avoid Obito crashing onto the blanket and the cake, destroying it. The cake went everywhere, squashed under the weight of Obito's body. Kakashi stared in disbelief at Obito and slowly looked up to meet Rin's eyes. Her eyes darkened with fury and Kakashi was certain that he'd seen both his and Obito's deaths written in them.

"Obito, I think you want to run."

"Uhhh, Kakashi, I think I broke a rib--"

"Uchiha. Obito." Rin's voice was a carefully controlled calm that sounded like it was shaking on the verge of collapse. It was a terrifying thing, and Kakashi did not dare to look up and meet Rin's eyes. Obito looked up into Kakashi's face, offering him a wordless plea to save him. Kakashi grabbed Obito's arms, helping him up, but as the boy got to his knees, groaning, Kakashi heard the strangled scream of lost sanity come from Rin's lips and saw too late that she was charging for them both.

Rin grabbed Obito's legs and pulled him down. Kakashi felt like he had stepped into some strange bizzaro world as he tried to pull them apart. Bits of cake were flying everywhere, and Kakashi knew that it was Obito's wails of horror that he heard as Rin's fists pounded into both Obito and himself. Kakashi figured that two well placed kunai in his teammates, while would solve the problem of their fighting, would ruin his sensei's birthday. Slipping on some icing, Kakashi lost his grip on his teammates, and fell unceremoniously to the ground. Rin took the opportunity to shove Obito, who fell on top of Kakashi, where Rin took the time to clobber them both.

The man that Konoha would come to know and remember as the Fourth Hokage was running late to meet his students. It had been a slow morning, he hadn't wanted to get out of bed (it was just so warm and snuggly there), but he'd skipped a meeting once without informing his students; that had lead to Pakkun sitting on his face and Sandaime none too pleased and wanting a word with him. Running late was much preferable to waking up to a face full of dog.

It was not unusual to notice the sounds of fighting from the training grounds, especially from where he met his students. What was strange, however, were the sounds of two boys getting beaten up. And Rin yelling.

Wait. Rin? Yelling?

Running up over the hill, he expected to see the worst--some enemy ninja fighting his students who were bravely fighting but outmatched. As he crested the hill and looked down, he expected to see his students fighting for their lives.

What he found were three very messy children covered in what appeared to be the remnants of cake. There were colorful streamers falling from trees, and a few, he noticed, were also tied around Obito. It appeared to be a birthday party, but it looked more like a birthday massacre. His look of shock at the scene quickly faded, and he was soon laughing quietly at the top of the hill, watching his students.

Kakashi was trying to wiggle his way free from underneath Obito when he heard the laughter. He looked up and saw the laughing form of his sensei watching them. Kakashi froze, and realized that the pain that Rin had been inflicting upon them was nothing compared to the humiliation of this moment. Rin also stopped upon hearing the laughter, and moaned in what sounded like mortification to Kakashi's ears. Obito just whimpered.

"Sensei!" said Rin, voice crestfallen, "you're, I mean, oh no, Obito you've ruined it!"

Kakashi finally managed to get up from under Obito, and wondered how it had been possible for so little cake to get them all so messy. He offered Obito a hand, and the two boys slowly backed away from their teammate who had, only moments ago, been trying to kill them.

"Um, happy birthday, sensei," said Obito, smiling. "Rin had this beautiful set up, and then I went and ruined it, sorry."

"Idiot, you just fell on the cake," said Kakashi. He refrained from hitting Obito on the head--Rin had done that enough already. "Yeah, happy birthday, sensei."

Their sensei walked down the slope towards his students and offered Rin a hand up. Obito cowered behind Kakashi, watching, waiting for Rin to launch herself at them again and try to hit him again. Kakashi felt a little guilty when he saw that Rin was crying.

"Sensei, I had this wh-whole thing planned, and. . . and. . . it's ruined! I'm sorry!" she cried, flinging her arms around their sensei's waist. The man smiled and patted her head, which was considerably less messy then the rest of her. Sobbing, she continued to cling to him, as her two teammates slowly felt guilty.

Obito sniffled. Kakashi wanted to hit him.

"RIN, I AM SO SORRY!" cried Obito, and he ran over to Rin and their sensei, hugging them both. Kakashi stared, horrified, by they way his team and his mentor were acting. And his sensei didn't even seem phased by the cake Obito was smearing all over his vest.

As he watched, the future Yondaime looked over at Kakashi, and smiled. "Kakashi, why don't you join us?"

Kakashi watched his teacher for a moment and ignored Obito's lame comment about how 'Kakashi doesn't hug, he eats souls' but grinned at the following comment by Rin, telling him to be nice, and that it was their sensei's birthday. Shrugging, Kakashi slowly walked over, and put his arms awkwardly around his team.

Smiling, their sensei laughed, and squeezed his three students tightly. "Maybe it didn't turn out how you planned, Rin," he said, "but this is certainly one of the best birthday presents I've ever had. Now, let's clean up this mess and all go get ramen!"

"Yay! Ramen!"

"Sensei, what about training?"

"Obito, it's sensei's birthday, we're paying!"

"What?! Boo! No ramen!"

"Obito, shut up."

"Hey!"

Their sensei sighed and backed away, the moment broken. It had been so nice while it lasted, his team all smiling (Kakashi would deny it, but he could tell), and in a hug. It would take an act of God for that to happen again, but he'd always treasure it.

Smiling, he watched as his students cleaned up the remnants of what probably would have been an excellent party, had it gone off without a problem. He looked down at his clothes and sighed, and used a finger to wipe at the mess.

"Mm," he said. "Chocolate cake."


End file.
